


“Pseudo” Boyfriends

by foreverfangirlalways



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Acceptance, Awww!, But you know how I am, Confessions, Crying, Cuddles, Embarrassment, Fluff, Frustratingly oblivious gays, Get Together, Great friends, Heartbreak, Hurt feelings, I wanna say misunderstandings, Intimidation, Kissing, M/M, Make Up, Prank War, Stupidity, Teasing, Threats, awww, bed sharing, blatant ignorance, but COMMON PATTON! Use your brain!, cute flirty, fake dating prompt, oh boi, selective hearing, was supposed to be a oneshot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2020-09-22
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:41:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24656260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foreverfangirlalways/pseuds/foreverfangirlalways
Summary: Janus asks Patton to be his fake boyfriend.
Relationships: Analogical - Relationship, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders, CriticxRemy, Deceit | Janus Sanders & Morality | Patton Sanders, Moceit, The Critic/Sleep | Remy Sanders
Comments: 16
Kudos: 79





	1. Pseudo=False

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be a oneshot prompt of Moceit fake dating, but I got inspired and, well, y’all know how I am 😅
> 
> So this is the prologue to my newest chapter fic! Here we go...

Janus was on his way to Patton’s house, and he was freaking out. 

As soon as he got off the phone with his cousin, he called his best friend and asked if he could come over to talk. Of course Patton said yes, he always did. 

And that is what Janus is counting on. 

As soon as he made up to Pat’s apartment door, he knocked and Patton threw open the door. 

“Oh come now Snakey!” Patton said with a dazzling smile. “You know you don’t have to knock!” Patton pulled Janus in and shut the door. Janus walked to the couch and sank into the fluffy blankets Patton kept there just for him. 

Patton looked over and smiled. “See, told you would like the blankets! And to think you said it was a waste of money.” Patton said in a teasing tone while sitting across from him. 

Janus rolled his eyes. “I complained about being cold once, and you bought five black and yellow fuzzy blankets, two snake throws, and a weighted blanket. Even you have to admit that it was a bit much.” 

Patton just chuckled. “You loved it and you started coming over more, so I think that it was well worth the money. Plus,” Patton said, grabbing the frog plushie next to him, “you are a lot sweeter and more willing to share at sleepovers now.”

Janus fought a blush. He knew that Patton was referring to the time when Janus had come over to hang out, Patton fell asleep while watching the movie, and Janus had wrapped him up in blankets and cuddled him. 

Janus had planned to get up and leave before Patton ever knew, but Patton woke up before him and didn’t stop talking about for weeks until Janus asked him to stop. Now Patton just offhandedly mentions it from time to time. 

Deciding not to bring up that particular sleepover, Janus changed the subject. 

“Goodness Pat, you still have that thing?” Janus gestured to the frog plushie, and Patton just smiled softly and squeezed the frog tighter. 

“Of course I still have him! You were so sweet to have won him for me! I love Deceit, and don’t think I haven’t seen Morality peaking out from under your pillows.” 

Janus did blush at that. “I have simply no idea of what you are talking about.” Janus said. He did, of course. At the same fair where Janus got Patton his frog, Patton got Janus a snake plushie. He would never admit it out loud, but Janus loves Morality. It was the first thing Patton ever gave him, and he often keeps it close to him and cuddles him when he really misses Patton or want to admit something that would ruin their friendship. 

Patton grinned knowingly, but decided to spare his friend. “So, as much as I love talk to you about our friendship, you did sound a little upset over the phone. Are you ok?”

Janus immediately sobered up from his happy feelings. 

“Actually Pat, I have a giant favor to ask you. You can totally say no, I will understand, I just wanted to ask.”

Patton was a little nervous, but urged Janus to continue. 

“Alright, so, you know how I told you that my parents are supportive of my sexuality, but are pushy?” Patton nodded, and Janus continued. 

“Well, my dad called me today and was talking about how the whole family is getting together for his 50th birthday. I had already said I would go, but he brought up bringing a Plus One. He said, and I quote, “don’t worry if you don’t have anyone to bring, your pops thinks he has a great potential match for you.”” 

Patton giggled. Janus’s last ‘great potential match’ ended up being one of Janus’s ex’s from when he was still closeted. Patton thought it was hilarious, but Janus found it significantly less funny. 

“Yeah, we know how that went last time, so I told my dad that I already have a boyfriend.” Patton raised an eyebrow, and is pretty sure that he knows where this is going. 

“My dad immediately got excited and started talking about how I have to bring him and the family meet him and all that. Then he asked for the name.” 

Patton looked at Janus with a knowing smile. “You panicked and said my name, didn’t you?” 

Janus buried himself into his blankets more. 

“Maybe. He now wants to meet you and all that jazz. I understand that you don’t want to, but I thought I would at least tell you. I-“

“Janus, you know me. We are already super close and people mistake us for a couple all the time. I am fine with pretending to be your boyfriend. To make your dad happy, of course.”

Janus smiled, and let out a breath he had been holding. “Oh, thank goodness. Because I had already told him that you are going.” 

“Why you snake!” Patton screeched and jumped onto Janus. Janus, already used to Patton’s mannerisms, simply caught him and hugged him tightly. 

Patton smiled at the hug, instantly forgiving Janus of everything. He still wants to tease him though. “Don’t think you can get out of this that easily, Snakey!” Patton said while gripping Janus tightly. 

“I would never Froggie.” Janus whispered to Pat. Patton looked delighted at the use of the nickname. He then simply flipped around, sat in Janus’s lap, and turned out the TV. Janus wrapped them in blankets while Patton chose a show. 

“So,” Patton said after a few minutes’ “when are we headed to your parents place?” 

“Tomorrow night, and we will be there for three days. If that is ok.” Patton nodded, and then curled into Janus. 

“That sounds fun. I can’t wait to be your boyfriend.” Patton said. “Fake, Of course,” he added. 

Janus just laughed and squeezed Pat. “Totally. I can’t wait to fake date you!” 

Both boys laughed, but they were both also wishing that the other had true feelings. They both wished that this was for real. 

‘And maybe it can be...’ Patton and Janus thought, planning to make the most of the opportunity that has show up. 

‘I will get him to love me like I love him by the end of this trip.’


	2. False=Fake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton meets Janus’s parents and his love-to-hate cousin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for posting it so late, I’m just tired and feel like crap, but I promised I would get this chapter out to you by today, and a promise is a promise! I hope you like it!

Patton and Janus were packed and on the road by lunch. The only problem is, Janus wants to be at his parents house before dinner, and Patton was determined to make this a long road trip. 

“Please?”

“Patton, I said no 15 times in the last five minutes. What makes you think I will change my answer now?”

Patton turned to Janus, who was keeping his eyes on the road. “Because if you don’t I’ll cry.”

“Uhhhhh!” Janus yelled, then pulled into the Subway that Patton has been bothering him about. He parked then glared at an ecstatic Patton. 

“You better be happy.”

They were out and had food 20 minutes later. Patton hopped into the car, and Janus started it up. 

Once they were back on the road and Patton was happily munching, Janus decided to speak up. 

“Patton, you know you have a problem right?” 

Patton looked at Janus with the biggest puppy eyes. 

“How could you? I can stop whenever I want.”

Janus busted out laughing. “You bugged me to get you Subway, but you didn’t even get a sandwich. You got TWELVE COOKIES!”

“Do you want one?” Patton asked, eyes wide. Janus just shook his head in amusement and focused on the road. 

“No Patton, you can keep your cookies, just don’t deny your addiction. You can always talk to me, I will not judge you.” Janus said in a teasing tone. 

Patton gasped, pressing his hand to his heart in mock outrage. “How dare you! I only eat a few cookies everyday. Like, 25 max.”

Patton and Janus busted out laughing, and then continued talking for the remainder of the trip. 

Once they arrive, the driveway had 3 cars in it. 

“Looks like both my parents are here, along with someone else. Let’s go see who it is, hmm?”

Patton looked nervous, so Janus grabbed his hand and squeezed. “Hey Froggie, can you tell me what’s wrong?” 

Patton smiled slightly at the nickname, then sighed. “I’m sorry. Even though you said this relationship is fake, I still want your parents to like me.” Janus felt his heart still at the sudden remembrance that Patton isn’t really his boyfriend. He made sure to school his features into a look of care that didn’t show any of the pain he felt. 

“Of course you do! Even if we aren’t really boyfriends, you are still my absolute best friend and the most important person in my life. You are also kind and caring. Don’t worry Pat, I’m sure that they will adore you. No, I know of it. They can be a bit... much, but they mean well and all you have to do is be yourself and I know they will love you as much as I do.” 

Patton blushed, then smiled. “Alright, I’m ready. Thank you Snakey, you are the best!”

Patton went to get his suitcase out of the trunk, and as soon as Janus was sure that Patton couldn’t see him anymore, he started banging his head against the wheel. 

‘How can he be that sweet and unknowingly hurt my feelings at every turn?’ 

“Janus?” 

‘Crap.’ 

“I’m coming Patton!” Janus called, locking the car and grabbing his suitcase. 

They looked at eachother, smiled, and then headed up too the door. Patton grabbed Janus’s hand, and squeezed. Janus squeezed back, wishing that he had the courage to ask Patton to be his real boyfriend. 

Janus took a deep breath, then pressed the door bell. 

*DING DING DING*

“One sec babes, I’m coming!”

The door was dramatically opened, and a man wearing a leather jacket and sunglasses emerged. He smiled, and once he saw Janus’s and Patton’s interwoven hands, he smirked. 

“What’s up loverboys? Y’all look tots adorbs. My name is Remy, I’m Janus’s dad and coffee lover extraordinaire.” 

Patton blushed and Janus just rolled his eyes. 

“Hello sir,” Patton said, sounding and looking nervous. “I’m Patton, Janus’s boyfriend.” Janus’s smile widened upon hearing that. He knew that it would be said, but he can’t help the fact that his crush just called himself his boyfriend and Janus felt So. Many. Butterflies. 

“Yeah doll, I kinda figured that. Wanna come in?” Remy asked, chuckling. Janus walked in and jabbed his dad when he passed him. “Be nice.” Janus whisper yelled. 

Patton swatted Janus on the arm. “Don’t talk to your dad like that!” Patton scolded Janus. He turned to Remy. 

“I’m sorry, please forgive my boyfriend. He can forget his manners sometimes.” 

Janus looked shocked while Remy just busted out laughing. “Oh, I like him.”

“As do I.” 

Everyone turned to the new voice. Patton looked at the other man, also in sunglasses, and dressed in all black and a black scarf. 

“Well, I see where you got your love of black clothing from, but how come you never wear sunglasses? I think you would look good in sunglasses. Your parents can clearly pull them off.”

Janus stared at Patton, and his parents just busted out laughing. “Oh, flattery will get you everywhere darling.” 

Patton, realizing he just spoke his thoughts out loud, blushed and tried to subtitly hide behind Janus. Janus got a fond look on his face and kissed the cheek of his awful-at-subtlety fake boyfriend. 

Remy awed, and then pointed towards the stair. “Y’all can put your suitcases in Janus’s old room, then meet us down in the kitchen. We’re going to allow y’all to stay in the same room, but we better not hear any noises!” 

Janus and Patton both blushed at that implication, and Janus pulled Patton up the stairs before his parents could say anything else. Once they were in Janus’s room, he slammed the door shut. He turned to apologize to Patton, but his voice died when he saw what Patton was staring at. 

“So...” Patton stared, side eyeing Janus. “There is only one bed.” Janus groaned, not believing the cliché that has become his life. 

“Apparently, and I can’t ask my parents for another mattress because... reasons.” Janus said, causing them both to think of the implications that Remy had made downstairs. 

Patton, who was already blushing, started blushing harder. “We could... share it? It’ll be like a sleep over! I mean, we’ve slept on the same couch before, I’m sure this will be fine.” Patton looked over at Janus, who looked slightly uncomfortable, and started a whole new rant. 

“Or I could sleep on the floor. I mean, this is your room and I don’t want to impose or make you uncomfortable or-“

“Patton, pause.” Patton stopped talking and looked at Janus. He no longer looked uncomfortable, just a bit embarrassed. 

“Pat, you are not making me uncomfortable. I was just embarrassed that you have to deal with this and my parents. I’m sorry about this whole debacle. I just want you to feel comfortable, so if you don’t want to share, I will simply sleep on a palette on the floor.”

Patton shook his head. “No, it fine Jan. I don’t mind sharing a bed. With you.” They smiled at eachother. Janus set his suitcase down then looked at the clock on his counter. 

“We better go down to the kitchen before my parents make any more assumptions.” Patton nodded, set down his suitcase, and then grabbed Janus hand. 

“Well common then, my darling boyfriend, we shouldn’t keep them waiting!” 

Janus practically floated down the stairs and into the kitchen, excited about the impromptu sleepover and the fact that Patton actually just said that! He smiled as they entered the kitchen, but then he saw a person who he was not prepared to see. 

“Sup guys. Looks like my least hated cousin is here! And apparently is dating my best friend and didn’t tell me.”

Patton stiffened, and Janus tried to figure out what to do, but settled on playing dumb. 

“Ah, hello Virgil. How are you?”

“Hurt. I can’t believe y’all both hid this from me. Janus, I could have been told that all those hour long phone calls about ‘Virgil, you will never understand how cute Patton looks while he is in my arms’ and me telling you to buck up and ask him out already weren’t a complete waste. And I mean, common Patton, I told you when I started dating your roommate! The least you could have done was say, ‘hey, by the way, I’m dating the cousin that you don’t want to constantly strangle.”

Janus let out a strangled noise but rolled his eyes. “Virgil, I am your only cousin. Also, where is your boyfriend? You never gave me his name, so I have yet to threaten him.” 

A tall, dark hair guy with glasses who was talking with Remy walked up, wrapped his arms around Virgil’s waist, and kissed him. The glasses clad guy then looked at Janus. 

“Salutations. I would be the boyfriend you plan to intimidate. My name is Logan, and I believe Virgil fondly refers to you as ‘that yellow asshole’.”

Logan reaches out a hand for Janus to shake while still keeping one arm around Virgil. Janus faintly rememberers seeing Logan around campus and at Patton’s birthday dinner. He shook Logan’s hand, and then Logan started talking again. 

“I would like to know what your real name is, because while Virgil always called you a good variety of fond insults, Patton always called you his ‘hopelessly oblivious crush’.”

Patton started coughing and was bright red. Janus put a comforting hand on his back, but didn’t know how else to respond to that information.

“My name is Janus. I’m Patton’s boyfriend, Virgil’s cousin, and the only child of those two.” Janus said, gesturing to the two standing by the table. 

“Alright babes, why don’t we sit at the table and talk?” Remy asked, but demanded. 

They all sat at the table, Patton next to Janus, with Virgil and Logan across from them, and Janus’s parents sitting in between Patton and Virgil. Patton looked at Janus’s parents. 

“So, I know that your name is Remy, but may I ask what your name is?” Patton inquired Janus’s scarf wearing parent. 

“My name is Cedric but everyone calls me Critic. You may call me sir until you have earned the right to call me by my name.”

Patton looks at Critic in barely concealed fear. “Of course sir. I understand.” 

Remy whacked his husband, and looked at Patton. “Ignore him babes, he’s being cynical. You can call him whatever you want, and same goes for me. Everyone calls me Sleep, but it’s up to you sugar.”

Patton smiled and nodded. “Sounds good to me Mr. Sleep!” Sleep chuckled, and Patton focuses his attention on Critic. “And sir, I will respect your wishes and call you whatever you want. I will try to earn the right to call you by your name, like you want.”

Critic pulled his sunglasses down, looked Patton in the eye, then smiled. 

“You passed the test. Good job.”

Patton looked bewildered, but pleased. Janus groaned and scooted closer to Patton, which did not go unnoticed by Logan and Virgil. 

“Seriously dad?” Janus asked, wrapping an arm around Patton. “That was unnecessary, and you scared him!”

Critic just fixed his sunglasses. “It was a necessary test to see if he can be respectful and not impose on set boundaries. And Patton, you may call me Critic, you have earned the right.”

Patton beamed, popped up, and hugged Critic. Everyone was slack-jawed, and Critic just awkwardly patted Patton on the head. Patton released Critic, saw everyone’s expression, and immediately thought he had done something wrong. 

“I’m sorry, I should have asked first! I’m just a hugger and I hug people when I’m happy...” Patton trailed of and then Remy spoke up. 

“Then bitch, where is my hug?” 

Patton giggled, hugged Remy, then sat back in his seat and leaned his head on Janus’s shoulder. 

Janus got a soft look in his eyes, and pressed his cheek on Patton’s hair. Patton looked over at Virgil, who was eyeing them. 

“Don’t worry to much about the intimidation, Uncle Critic tried to do that to Logan, but just got a 25 minute lecture on how to better intimidate people.”

Janus laughed, and Logan nodded. 

“Yes, and I see you followed my instructions, good job.” Critic rolled his eyes, and Patton turned to Virgil. 

“So Virgil, how are you and Janus related?” 

“Oh, my dad Andy is Remy’s brother. So, when did you two start dating?” 

Janus said, “Valentines Day” at the same time Patton said “my birthday.” 

“There are two months between Valentines Day and Patton’s birthday.” Logan helpfully supplied. ‘Crap!’

“Well?” Virgil asked. “Which is it?”

“I see our anniversary as Valentine’s Day, when Patton first asked me on a date, but Patton counts it as his birthday, when I asked if he would officially be my boyfriend.”

Remy awed, Critic looked proud, but Virgil and Logan looked suspicious. 

“Really? When did y’all have y’alls first kiss then?” 

‘Damn Virgil and his stupid suspicious nature!’ Janus thought, not knowing how to respond. 

“Oh! That would also be on my birthday!” Patton said out excitedly. “He took me to my favorite bakery, you know, the one Mr. Thomas owns? Well, apparently Snakey had convinced him to allow us to use the kitchen and make our own cookies! After they were done, he handed me a card that said ‘I am rubber, you are glue, anything that you say bounces off of me and sticks to you. So say yes!’ I looked up, obviously confused, and then he asked me to be his boyfriend! Officially! And I said yes, obviously. After I said yes, he wrapped me in his arms and kissed me on the lips for the first time.” Patton sighed, and looked up at Janus. 

“He is just so sweet!” 

Sleep and Critic looked so proud, and Virgil and Logan looked pacified. For now. 

Janus put and a content and collected mask, and kissed Patton on the tip of the nose. 

“Only for you darling.”

Inside, however, Janus was dying. The story Patton gave was almost completely true. 

Janus had convinced Mr. Thomas to allow him and Patton to make cookies, and he had got him a card. Except the card said ‘Happy Birthday to my favorite Cookie Monster!’ It was the first time Janus kissed Patton on the cheek, but he’s never kissed him on the lips before. Janus would have never thought to tell the story like that, but Patton told the story so enthusiastically and starry-eyed that no one would question it. 

“Snakey? Also, why didn’t y’all tell us when we all went to dinner that night?”

Well, count on Logan to always ask questions. 

“Y’all didn’t tell me that y’all are dating.” 

“Fair point.”

Logan looked content with that answer, but it was obvious that Virgil was still suspicious. Luckily, Patton changed the subject. 

They spent the rest of the time talking about school and future plans. Once they finished eating dinner, Janus and Patton excused themselves. 

“I think we are going to go ahead and retire for the night.”

“Yeah!” Patton added. “We had a long drive and I’m sleepy.” Patton yawned and wrapped his arms around Janus’s shoulders. Janus smiled down at Patton, and then looked at his parents. 

“That sounds fine to me, I just better not hear the mattress moving.” Remy winked. 

Patton blushed and hid his head in Janus’s neck, and Janus rolled his eyes at his dad while picking up Patton. 

“Don’t worry Uncle Sleep, if I hear that you will be hearing a some chainsaw and murder noises afterwards.” 

“On an unrelated note, where do you keep the shovels?” Logan asked. 

Janus just flipped them both off with one hand and started carrying Patton up the stairs. 

Once they had made it into their room and got pajamas on, Janus and Patton were on the bed, and Janus started playing with Patton’s hair. Patton made some satisfied noises, then looked guilty. 

“I’m sorry about the kissing story. I tried to stick as close to the truth as possible.”

Janus just smiled. “You have nothing to apologize for Froggie. I thought that we were caught and then you saved the day! I have to ask, who did you come up with that so fast?” 

Patton blushed. “I just thought of what we actually did and mixed in some things I saw in a movie.” 

What Patton didn’t add was that it was how he wished the day would have gone. 

“Well, you are amazing!” Patton practically glowed under all the praise and comforting touches. 

“Also, what was that about me being your ‘hopelessly oblivious crush’?” 

Patton’s bubble almost popped, but luckily he was able to think fast. 

“What was that about Virgil telling you to ask me out?” 

“Touché.” Janus said, and immediately changed the subject. 

“With Virgil and Logan here, we are going to have to step up our game. Are you still ok with this?” 

Patton nodded, but wished he had the courage to ask for this to be real. 

“Yeah, I promised you. Plus, I think your parents like me!” Janus laughed and nodded. 

“I think you’re right. I told you so. Now, why don’t we lay down and watch a movie?”

Patton, seeing the opportunity, jumped on it. 

“Alright, as long as you hold me and we cuddle. Because apparently I’m ‘so cute when in your arms’. Also, it makes me feel safe!” 

Janus turned completely red, but nodded. “I would like that.”

Janus watched Patton fall asleep in his arms, and Janus fell asleep after kissing Patton on the forehead and whispering, “I wish this could be real.”

Janus then fell asleep, but Patton stayed up for a while, trying not to shout out in joy from what he just heard. 

Patton fell asleep thinking, ‘how can I tell you I feel the same?’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmmmm, I wonder what happens now??


	3. Fake=Fucking Stupid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton learns about Pre-Birthday Prank War, and Patton and Virgil decide to figure out how to tell Janus that Patton likes him. (Well, Patton decides while Virgil struggles with the impaired judgement of his best friend)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy the fluff while it lasts... 💜

It was around 8:30 when Janus opened his eyes and looked down at the person in his arms. 

Patton had his arms wrapped around Janus and his face was alight in the morning sun. Janus yawned and Patton held on to Janus tighter. 

Janus smiles and starts softly running his fingers through Patton’s hair. Janus always loved to do that, because to him, Patton’s hair is softer than silk. 

Patton’s nose twitched the tiniest bit, and Janus place a delicate kiss on the top of it. 

‘He looks so peaceful, like the dew on a flower petal in the early morning. His hair curls around my fingers like it’s reaching for me, like it’s trying to love me as much as I love him. His eyes are... open?”

Janus stops his Shakespearean monologue about how good Patton looks when he realizes that Patton is watching him stare at him. To avoid embarrassment, Janus just holds onto Patton tighter and burrows his face into Patton’s hair. “Your hair smells good.”

Janus pulled back and saw a dust of redness across Patton’s features. “Oh, it must be shampoo, Very Hairy Berry. Ain’t the name hairlarious?” Patton giggled, and Janus just shook his head fondly. 

“You’re so adorable.” 

Janus, realizing that he just said that aloud, looked at Patton. Patton just smiled a snuggled closer. Janus looked ecstatic. 

“No no sleepy head, no matter how adorable I find you, we still better get ready for breakfast.” 

They get ready and go down, smiling and blushing the whole time. Once they entered the kitchen, everyone greeted them, and they sat upon the stools next to the island. 

Remy is making eggs, and Critic looked to be making chocolate gravy for the biscuits. Virgil put a bowl of what looked like pudding on the island, and then kissed Logan on the cheek. 

Patton grabbed a spoon and went for the pudding, but Logan placed his hand on Patton’s wrist before he could even get anything on the spoon. 

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”

“Oh, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to-“

“No no, it is nothing of the sort Patton. Though the person who does eat it is going to hate Virgil for about a week.”

Remy and Critic snickered. Janus groaned. 

“Tomorrow is prank day, isn’t it?”

Critic nods and turns to a confused Patton. 

“It is tradition that on the eve of every person in this family’s birthday, there is a prank war. The winner of the war gets to smash a piece of cake in the birthday boys face. Or, if the birthday boy wins, he gets to choose a punishment for the entire group.”

Patton smiled and looked at everyone. “That sounds like a wonderful bonding experience! But how is the winner chosen?”

“Oh! I can answer that one babes! So, all day the participants will do their pranks, and then they will do one main prank on the person of their choice. On the main prank, you will record what happens and everyone will vote on the best prank after all the videos are presented right before cake time. 

Patton happy clapped and Janus banged his head against the island. 

“Don’t be happy Pat, it is absolutely torture!”

Virgil laughed at Janus’s actions. “Ignore him Patton, he’s just upset that he has never won.”

Janus stood up, knocking his chair over and pointed and Virgil threateningly. 

“LIESSSS!”

Patton kissed Janus’s cheek. “Common Snakey, sit down and calm down. We need breakfast!”

Janus plopped down on Patton’s lap and buried his face in Patton’s shoulder. Everyone chuckled and sat down around the island. 

“Sorry, was that to much?” Patton whispered in Janus ear. 

“No. Well, maybe a bit much.” Janus whispered back. 

They both huffed a laugh, oblivious to Virgil’s knowing gaze from hearing their words. 

-_-_-_-

After breakfast, Logan asks Janus to help him with something. They left, and Patton walks towards Janus’s room, but Virgil drags Patton off to his room. 

“Hey Virgil! What’s up?” Patton asked after Virgil shut the door. Virgil turned around and crossed his arms. 

“So, you and Janus, huh?” 

Patton sighed happily and fell onto Virgil’s bed. 

“Yep! Can you believe it?”

Virgil blinked. “No. I literally cannot.”

“Haha,I couldn’t either at first. I mean I was shocked when I realized he really truly likes me!”

Virgil, deciding he has had enough of Patton’s bullshit, pulled out the big guns. 

“Yeah. So, how long have y’all been pretending to be boyfriends?”

Patton blinks and then...

“HAHAHA WhAT dO yoU MeaN? thAts ReDicUlus!”

Virgin leans against the door and raises an eyebrow. 

“Well, I was going to say this was a prank, but what the hell? That was about as convincing as that time when you said you didn’t like snakes while cuddling with a gaint plush snake.”

Patton stood up, and put a hand on his hip. “One, Janus got me that when we went to the Zoo. And two, how did you figure it out?”

“Ohh, other than the fact that there is literally no way y’all could have gotten together without you telling me or Logan?”

Patton nodded.

“And the fact that you have liked Janus forever?”

Nod. 

“And the fact that you have gushed about him to me basically every night, but haven’t once since you got here?”

Nod

“And the fa-“

“Ok ok, I get it! Now what specifically gave it away?”

Virgil smirked. “I actually had no idea, but your reaction was perfect.”

Patton looked shocked, and then threw a pillow at Virgil. 

“Calm down Patton, I had my suspicions but not definite proof.”

“So! You tricked me!” 

Virgil rolled his eyes. “Not really. Also, you already told me about your birthday story, and you said it was the first time he kissed you on the cheek. You gushed about it for hours, and then I had to deal with Janus telling me the story over again and him gushing while I had to pretend to act like I didn’t already know everything.”

Patton immediately brightened and jumped up and down. “Yes! Last night when he thought I was asleep, he said he wished that this was real. And what you just said confirms that he truly likes me! Now I just have to tell him that I feel the same!”

‘Huh. I wasn’t expecting that.’ Virgil though. 

“Well, maybe today because tomorrow is prank day and that could be a bad misunderstanding.”

Patton had a look of realization pass over his face. “You’re right! I could tell him tomorrow with a prank!”

Virgil blinked, and took a step away from the door. “Wow, that is not what I said at all. That sounds like a terrible plan!”

Patton nodded. “It is a wonderful plan! I could make him one of those glitter tubes, and whenever he pops it open it will have a note that tells him I want to be his real boyfriend!”

“...Are you even listening to me? He could take that in the wrong way and think that you are just joking or playing with his feelings.”

“Of course I’m listening! He won’t think it is a joke because I will add a bunch of emojis on it!” Patton said, looking faintly offended at Virgil’s thought. “Oh? What type of emojis?”

“The laughing face ones!”

Virgil face palmed. “Oh my god. This... this is going to be awful.”

Patton waved his hands around. “Awfully fantastic! I’ll even give him a speech afterwards, telling him everything and how I’ve liked him since he punched my ex Ethan to protect me.”

‘Finally, something that makes sense.’

“Ok,” Virgil nods, “that’s actually a good idea. This could work.”

“Put since it’s prank day I’ll say everything the opposite way!”

Virgil blinked, and then threw his hands into the air. “Holy hell! This just keeps getting worse! Please don’t do that!”

Patton hugged Virgil then gripped his shoulders. “Thank you for your help Virgil! I’m gonna go start on my plan!”

Virgil watched Patton walk away, frozen in place and dumbfounded. He shook his head and took out the recorder in his pocket. 

“Well, when shit hits the fan and Janus comes to murder me, at least I can give him this and make him see that Patton meant well. And was serious. Holy hell my friends are idiots that don’t listen!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and the games begin!


	4. Fucking Stupid= Boi No...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton “pranks” Janus, Janus reacts as expected, Logan is a smart boi, and Virgil is just trying not to die.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry...

Patton worked on Janus glitter tube until dinner. It’s a long black tube with a yellow snake painted on it and so much detail that it was clear Patton worked on it for hours. 

He filled the inside of the tube with glitter, fine glitter, rhinestones, and a note telling Janus how he really feels, that is covered in laughy face emoji stickers. 

Having rehearsed what he was going to say afterwards the entire time he was making the tube, Patton deemed himself ready. He gave Virgil a thumbs up before sitting down to eat, and strong willedly ignored Virgil’s violent head shakes and glares. 

When Janus asked Patton what was up with him and Virgil, Patton shrugged and kissed Janus on the cheek, immediately silencing Janus and giving him an internal gay panic. 

-_-_-_-

Once Patton woke up, he headed down stairs to work on his minor baby pranks. Besides speaking opposite all day, he has a few other things planned. 

He made the most convincing oatmeal-raisin-pretending-to-be-chocolate-chip-cookies ever, downloaded a shattered screen app on his phone, and filled the candy bowl with M&M’s, skittles, 

and Reese’s Pieces. 

He got Virgil and Critic with the cookies: “Oh, they are totally chocolate chip cookies! I have no idea why they taste like raisins.” Patton said while trying to stifle a giggle. 

Virgil got him with a root beer that exploded in his face: “Spppsttt!” Pat sputtered. “Such a refreshing drink! Not shaken up at all.” 

Critic deep fried a sponge and Remy fell for it. Logan fell for the cracked screen, and Logan got Virgil by duck tapping an air horn to the wall. 

Virgil freaked out and got a panic attack, and Logan freaked out and rushed to comfort Virgil. 

As payback, Virgil had Logan look in a microscope, and Logan still has a bit of sharpie left on his face. 

Janus fell for Virgil’s pudding and Remy’s mac&cheese orange juice. 

Those were just a few of the small pranks. An hour before dinner, Patton decided to but his big plan into action. 

Gathering the tube, the camera, and his courage, Patton heads to Janus’s room and knocks on the door. 

Janus opens the door and smiles. He invites Patton in, complete oblivious to what is about to happen. 

“Hey Snakey! I got you a present! Here you go, open it!”

Patton thrusts the tube into Janus’s hands, and sits on the edge of the bed. Slightly weary, Janus turns the tube over in his hands. 

He was in awe at the amount of detail and work Patton clearly put into the present. He saw a string, and pulled at it. 

The tube erupted in glitter, and a it. Went. Everywhere. 

Janus opens his mouth, but then noticed a piece of paper flittering through the air. He grabs it, looks at Patton, then opens it up. 

————————

‘Dearest Janus, 

I know we started this whole dating thing as a charade to make your parents leave you alone, but I want to be... I want this to be real. 

You are my best friend, and I love being your best friend, confidant, and movie buddy. I just wish I could be more. 

I heard you the other night, when you said you wish that we were real. So do I. So, if you are willing, do you want to be my real, true boyfriend??’

Love your (hopefully) new boyfriend, Patton 

————————

Janus looked up from the letter, and was trying not to erupt from happiness. The note is the best thing... he’s ever read in his life! And the laughing emojis were a nice touch that shows Pattons personality. 

“Do you... do you really mean this?” Janus asks, trying not to break his face in a smile. 

“No.”

CRACK! Janus’s swears he just heard his heart shatter. What else could explain the throbbing and PAIN he feels in his chest. 

“W-What do you mean no?” Janus asks, voice slightly wobbling. 

“It was a joke! I thought that it would be a great way to tell you how I don’t feel. Virgil gave me the idea, and I just kinda ran with it. I’ve thought of you like a mere friend ever since you attacked my beloved ex boyfriend. I’m actually thinking about getting back together with him, because of what you said. So, what do you think about the letter?” Patton kept to his opposite speak, and thought that since Janus already heard him speaking opposite all day, he would figure it out. 

Janus stared at Patton for about 5 minutes, not moving, not blinking, and barely breathing. 

Then Janus starts laughing, but the laugh terrifies Patton to his core. Right before Janus beat the crap out of Ethan, he laughed the same way he is right now. 

“What do I think? Well, I think you are a insensitive sadistic prick who likes to play with peoples feelings and doesn’t know what, OR WHO, is actually good for him. I can’t believe I actually wanted to be yours , you are a manipulative little shit, huh? But that’s fine, at least I know how you really feel now.”

Patton paled. Tears started to fill Janus’s eyes, and Patton knew he majorly screwed up.

“Wait, Jan, don’t cry, I-“

“Get out.”

Patton looked at Janus, his heart squeezing in fear and sadness. 

“What?”

Janus’s expression shuts off, and he points at the door. 

“I said get the fuck out of my room.”

“... Jan...”

“Now Patton. If you wanna go crawling back to Ethan, I won’t stop you. Just don’t call me the next time you end up bleeding and your heart is broken.”

Janus pauses, and then gets an evil gleam in his teary eyes. 

“Or do call, that way I can tell you just how much I don’t give a damn. Yes, PLEASE do call, so I can remind you of the friend and the chance you lost with your little... joke. Now get the hell away from me.”

Patton still hesitates, and Janus throws his pillow at him and starts screaming. 

“GET OUT! GET OUT OF MY ROOM! And after this weekend, GET OUT OF MY LIFE!”

Patton ran out of the room and into the side guest room, crying and thinking of everything he could have done differently. 

Janus collapsed on his bed, flinging the tube across his room and grabbing the note. Just as he was about to rip up the note, he reread it and clutched it to his chest, sobbing about how awful Patton is and how he wishes more than anything in the world that the words on the paper really mean something. 

Virgil, who told Logan everything and roped him into eavesdropping on Janus all day, was banging his head against the wall in a fast, repetitive motion. 

Logan turned Virgil around, and Virgil started banging his head against Logan’s chest. 

“Alright, you go tell uncle Rem and Critic that we aren’t having lunch together, and I’ll call the cake place to see if I can get them to move up the pickup time to 11. That way those idiots only have to suffer till lunch.” 

Logan nodded, about to head downstairs, then turned around. “I’m in charge of setting the video this year, why don’t we combine the audio you took of Patton’s plan with the video he’s going to submit?”

Virgil laughed and wrapped his arms around his boyfriend. 

“That’s a great idea! You are brilliant, and might have just saved your boyfriend from being murdered!”

They set to work, Patton sent in his video while crying, and Janus passed out from tear exhaustion, still clutching the note.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m still sorry...  
> But if you want, I can handwrite Patton’s letter to Janus and link it, as a really messed up apology to my loving and forgiving readers 😅💜


	5. Boi No…= FINALLY!! (aka: Virgil is a god tier friend)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Birthday Party, Janus and Patton realize the big misunderstanding with help, and the aftermath of that realization.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter, and I hope it is worth the wait!

The next morning, Virgil left to go get the cake and Logan was busy setting up the video and getting the final touches done. 

Remy and Critic were partially informed of what was going on by Logan last night, so they kind of kept to themselves and were trying to allow Virgil and Logan to attempt to fix everything. 

Janus stayed in his room, determined not to leave until it was time for his fathers party. 

Patton was in the kitchen, making homemade pizza for lunch and trying to suppress more tears. He knows that he messed up yesterday and regrets everything. 

‘I was speaking opposite all day! I thought he would understand the true meaning of my words, but clearly I should have listened to Virgil more.’

Speaking of Virgil, he walked into the kitchen, set the cake atop the counter, and turned to Patton. Once he saw the unshed tears in Patton’s eyes, he walked over and wrapped his best friend in a hug. 

“Don’t worry Pat, I’m going to try and help you fix this.”

Patton hiccuped and nodded, then started hitting his head against Virgil’s shoulder. 

“I’m so stupid. I should have listened to you better! I thought that he would understand that I had been speaking opposite all day, so he would know my true feelings. But I clearly didn’t think thing through enough and now I’ve ruined everything.” Patton’s voice was breaking and his lips wobbling. Logan walked in with Remy and patted Patton on the shoulder. 

“I have set up the video, and yours is the last one. Why don’t you say what you really meant in time with your opposite words?”

Patton nodded and thanked Logan. Then he turned to Remy and looked apprehensive. 

“I’m sorry Mr. Sleep. I hurt you son, even if I didn’t mean to. I understand if you hate me, I just wish that you will allow me to try and fix this.”

Remy pulled his sunglasses down, looked Patton up and down, then sighed. He walked over and pulled Patton into a hug. 

“While I am a bit upset that y’all lied to me, and Critic is probably gonna give you shit for a while, I know that what y’all feel for eachother is real. I have seen the way both of you look at eachother. I just hope you both figure this out so I don’t have to beat some sense into both of you.”

Everyone chuckled, and then Virgil walked towards the doorway. 

“UNCLE CRITIC!! JANUS! GET YOUR ASSES DOWN HERE AND EAT SOME CAKE!”

Virgil then ran back and hid behind Logan as both Critic and Janus ran into the kitchen, yelling at Virgil. 

Janus stopped when he saw Patton cutting up the pizza. Pat’s homemade pizza is Janus’s all time favorite meal. 

“Alright, we will get pizza from Patton, head into the living room to watch and judge the pranks, and then eat cake.” Logan said, taking two plates from Patton and dragging Virgil to the living room. Critic took his plate from Patton and gave him a small smile, then took Remy’s hand and lead him to the living room as well. 

Janus just stared at Patton, who held out an offerd plate of his favorite pizza. 

Patton looked at the floor. “Janus I’m so sorry. Can I explai-“

“No Patton.” Janus said, taking his plate and walking out the door. 

“You have explained enough.”

He walked into the living room and sat on the loveseat nearest to the door, and Patton sat on the end of the couch nearest to the tv. 

The tension in the room was palpable. After finishing his pizza, Critic cleared his throat and stood in front of everyone. 

“So, this has certainly been a birthday to remember. Now, let’s watch eachother get prank and make harsh judgments. Remember to watch for a certain, je ne sais quoi.”

Everyone laughed at that, and then Logan started the video. 

First up was Critic, who pranked Virgil by handing him a box made of Oobleck. Remy tried not to bust out laughing when Virgil ended up chasing Critic around and rubbing the liquid all in his Uncle’s hair. 

Next, Virgil got Patton by giving him a piece of wood covered in icing and sprinkles. 

Janus got Logan by sticking his tie in a bunch of jello. Janus also got a face full of jello because of that choice. 

Logan got Remy sticky noting his entire office. Remy didn’t mind all that much though, because all the sticky notes had different Starbucks orders, and he vowed to try each and everyone of them. 

Remy pranked Critic by placing his wallet in an upside down glass full of water. Critic responded by picking up the glass, not spilling any water, and then throwing it on Remy. 

“How the hell did you even accomplish that?” Virgil yelled. Critic just smirked and motioned for them to continue. Janus, knowing what was coming up next, moved to get up, but stopped when he saw a shaky, pixelated Patton. 

He watched as Virgil confronted Patton, and Patton admitted his feelings. 

‘He heard me when I said I wanted everything to be real?’ Janus thought. 

——

“Well, maybe today because tomorrow is prank day and that could be a bad misunderstanding.”

Patton had a look of realization pass over his face. “You’re right! I could tell him tomorrow with a prank!”

Virgil blinked, and took a step away from the door. “Wow, that is not what I said at all. That sounds like a terrible plan!”

Patton nodded. “It is a wonderful plan! I could make him one of those glitter tubes, and whenever he pops it open it will have a note that tells him I want to be his real boyfriend!”

——

‘Wow. He’s an oblivious idiot.’ Janus thought with a fond smile. 

Once that video had ended, Patton walked in front of the tv and started talking. 

‘Do you... do you really mean this?’ Janus mouthed along with the video. 

“Yes.”

Patton was looking at Janus with tears in his eyes, but his voice held strong. 

“W-What do you mean yes?” Janus asked, staring at Patton. 

“It was all the truth! I thought that it would be a great way to tell you how I really feel. Virgil gave me the idea, and I just kinda ran with it. I’ve thought of you like more than a friend ever since you attacked my jerk of an ex boyfriend. I’m would never thinking about getting back together with him, because of what you said. So, what did you think about the letter, and now my real words?”

Everyone paused and was steadily looking between both boys. 

Janus stared for a bit, and then bust out laughing. He was laughing so hard that he started crying. 

Patton ran over and squatted in front of Janus, grabbed his hand, and put his hand on his cheek. 

“Please don’t cry Snakey. I’m so sorry, I thought you would understand my opposite talk. I never truly meant to hurt you. I know that you never want to see me again, but I just had to explain before I left.”

Patton stood up to leave, but Janus launched himself at Patton and ended up knocking him over. Patton was in the floor, and Janus was on top of Patton. Janus sat up to where he was basically straddling Patton, and put his hand on Patton chest. 

“Stay.”

Patton blinked. “What?”

Janus just shook his head and sighed. 

“You are clearly the epitome of oblivious gay energy, but just because you are the worst decision maker ever doesn’t mean I want you to leave.” 

Patton opened his mouth and Janus placed his hand over his mouth. “One second, I’m not done. I know what I said yesterday, and I meant it then. I was angry, but now I know that you weren’t purposely being a major asshole, I’m not angry anymore. Now, I want to ask you a question.”

Janus leaned back to where he was simply sitting in Patton’s lap, and Patton sat up, waiting. Janus took a deep breath, and then asked, “Froggie, will you be my boyfriend? For real this time?” 

Patton just stared at Janus, and Janus was being to think that Patton was in shock until he flipped the switch and placed his hands on Janus’s chest, making it to where Janus is on the floor and Patton is sitting in his lap. 

“Yes.” Patton said, and then kissed Janus before he even had a chance to smile. 

Critic and Remy cheered while Logan just rolled his eyes fondly and Virgil took pictures. 

When they broke apart, Patton sheepishly go up and help Janus do the same. Janus simply smiled and kissed Patton again. 

“You know, as far as first kisses go, that was certainly a good one.” 

Patton blushed, and Virgil decided to speak up. 

“Yeah, plus, who knew Patton was such a top?”

After everyone finished beating Virgil with pillows and running away from Logan, they ate cake and had a good rest of the day. 

Patton obviously ended up winning the prank war, but changed his winnings to let Janus smush a piece of cake in his face. 

After the party, everyone said there goodbyes, and headed back to their own place. 

As Janus and Patton began the drive back, they both had one thought going through their mind. 

“I knew I would get him to love me like I love him by the end of this trip!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Goodbye, farewell, I hope you enjoyed this journey and see you next time! 💜

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you like it! 💜


End file.
